It’s amazing how much language learning is pure imitation. All my expressions whether of delight or disgust are stolen-- things I’ve heard, pocketed, and immediately appropriated for my own use. My parroting is a central part of my language development here, but the more I think about it the more negative it becomes. All this imitation is starting to make me feel a little vapid and lacking in personality. Also, the restrictions I feel in not being able to fully articulate myself and my sense of humor is starting to be an encumbrance. Not being a Negative Nancy, the reality of this forlorn post is simply that I’ve fallen from the state of euphoria I initially felt arriving here. Four months in, and I’ve finally dropped. It’s only normal; just annoying when you do.
It’s probably the rain writing this post. It’s winter here, and will be until I leave, so it pours rain everyday, sometimes all day. I can’t go for my beloved 5pm walks and in most ways it’s rather depressing and gloomy. But I will admit the resonance of the rain on the tin roofs is really nice and soothing, so long as you don’t need to listen to anything else. I will not hide the fact that I have taken Herculean naps for the past 5 straight days, using the sound of the rain as an excuse for my lethargy.
Maybe I just need one of those “happy” lights. Or some crack.
To be clear, the majority of my life here is not negative. Socially, I’m progressing and hanging out with people a little more, which is obviously good. I now have some kind-of friends here in Buena Vista-- so far I’ve been to a few wholesome parties, watched a couple bootleg DVDs, and eaten a lot of popcorn. But it’s my WorldTeach friendships which I value the most and I’m lucky to have them close by. Today is another Friday night with them, where I know I’ll get to laugh a lot and be absolutely myself.
NOTE: Juan couldn't drive me yesterday so I tried to get a ride with the kindergarten teacher. Waited around for 2 hours and then I saw her forget me and drive right by my house. I semi-composedly chased after her car but she had gone. I was then depressed so I made myself horrible tortillas and a mega-omelette and watched The Curious Case of Benjamin Button on my computer. Then I went to bed, purposely not going to a party yesterday night because I was depressed about my failure of life. But I'm going to a dance tonight in the next town over and that should be sufficiently awkward.
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